Hoping for rain...

You know you're lonely when you find yourself doing lonely things like hitching half the length of California (don't try that in your century, kids) or going on long, rambling, solo camping trips, driving from forsaken spot to god forsaken spot and packing up and moving on if anyone else shows up in camp even if you just got there that morning. You find yourself listening for thunder through the mountains a lot. Feeling it resonate in the emptiness inside you... filled for a moment with rumbling sound and dull pain and then empty again.

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World So Big*

The world is so big
then again the world's so small...
I might be in your arms tomorrow night
or I might never make it home to you at all

true love, baby, the bottom drops out
and then you fall...
it only happens one time baby
if you're lucky maybe not at all

I could live a thousand lifetimes
I'd never forget a single one of your lies...
I could die a million times
ant the ghost of you would still draw me back to life


*name changed from "The World Is So Big" (9/25/2007)
(C)2007,TKMajor

Important

When I think of rich people I've known, I always forget about Howard Hughes.

Well, I didn't know him, personally, but an ex-GF's mom had been a very good friend of Hughes' second wife, the actress, Jean Peters. Peters threw a party at Hughes' estate for my GF's little sister on the occasion of her baptism or confirmation or... something or other.

At one point, my ex-GF said, Hughes himself came out of an upstairs study, stood by a balustrade for a moment, looking down on scores of little girls in frilly dresses, shook his head, and went back into his study.

Yeah... that was my first brush with the super rich.

It didn't really change my life.

But my intimate connection with Hughes didn't really end there. Later, I would become friends with the daughter of Hughes' most famous biographer, whose unpublished manuscript was stolen and became the basis for an infamous hoax, a Hughes "autobiography" that turned out to be eerily close to reality because it was based on years of my friend's father's reporting. (He went on to have a bestseller of his own but that's another story.)

I go on at length really only to show that I have no clue how the super wealthy live their lives or how they think.

Hughes was a driven man, clearly, he made a fortune in aircraft and then, perhaps drawn in by his dalliances with starlets and actresses, became a movie exec and producer.

He was, in the thinking of the time, about as rich as God's older brother but the end of his life was shrouded in mystery as a group of former CIA and other intelligence officers insinuated themselves as his "handlers" -- allowing or encouraging doctors to keep Hughes, himself, loaded on deadening painkillers, barbiturates, and powerful opiates and hypnotics.

Hughes reportedly stopped cutting his hair and fingernails, and an incipient obsessive compulsive disorder began manifesting itself, perhaps aggravated or even caused by the powerful drug cocktails that kept him in a semi-stupor while his supposed assistants ran his empire in ways that often seemed contrary to his own interests but which, perhaps not surprisingly, seemed to benefit both the handlers and their associates in the US intel and covert action communities.

Eventually, Hughes died, misunderstood, unkempt, apparently even malnourished... he was, in essence, broken and alone.



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Spit in the Ocean

You must think you’re oh so very
terribly important
with your car, your house, your maid,
your butler and your porters.

But seen from the stars
you’re the same as all of us are.
And it might seem a queer notion
but we’re all just spit
in the ocean.


Hop upon a plane
run around the world
Tokyo, Paris, Rome, Berlin
and they're all full of your kind of girl.

You can have all the ones you want
you can play with people’s lives.
You can have all the rope you want
but soon enough they expect that noose
to be tied.

Seen from above
just another slightly balding head
a little bit of dandruff on the shoulders
but you’ll be dead
soon enough, anyway.

Hiding in your villa
on the Dalmatian Coast.
Your blue ribbon Afghan hound at your feet
the one that you prize the most.

But your baby’s got the rabies
and he’s gonna bite your foot.
ain’t there an end to the indignities
through which a human being
must be put.

Seen from the stars
Just another chunk of rock in space.
little ones crawling about on it
but they’ll be gone
soon enough, anyway.

You must think you’re oh so very
terribly important
with your car, your house, your maid,
your butler and your porters.

But seen from the stars
you’re the same as all of us are.
And it must seem a queer notion
but we’re all just spit
in the ocean.

(C) 1975, T.K. Major