Once you behold her, nothing will ever be the same...

Ah... memory. Frail sibling of the dream, grandchild of illusion.

Don't ask me how I ended up doing this twice in three weeks... I had my mind on other, thoroughly mundane things like trying to make a living, mastering evolving toolsets, and meeting yeterday's challenges tomorrow... or something like that. It's not all a blur but I kind of wish it was.

Anyhow, this seems to be a better version in some ways, though both are painfully sloppy (yeah, like that makes them stand out, here) and both are far from living up to the song's potential. It's this damn heat and humidity... it sits on the brain like a hot, steamy fog...


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July 2 version
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'songwriter demo version' [soundclick page]


Just Like a China Doll

She's got eyes
just like a china doll
They look painted on
and yet they've seen it all

All around Long Beach
and all the way to LA
the shattered lives are scattered
the hearts are spiked up on staves
--- From the Ocean to the mountains
from the birthplace to the grave
Once you behold her
nothing will ever be the same

She's got eyes
just like a china doll
They look painted on
and yet they've seen it all

Everywhere you go
everythings about the same
they wander around dazed
just barely whispering her name
--- They walk in front of buses
they throw themselves under trains
but the sick smile on their faces
show those sorry saps are still glad she came

[bridge]
well I looked into her eyes
and I saw my life flash by
Now I wake up screaming
everytime I see a doll's eyes

I looked into the void
and I saw myself fall in
i see it every time
i see it in her eyes
t's always been

Here I stand the last man to fall
under her spell
a moment close to heaven
an ice age on the cold side of hell
and how can I face
the other lost souls I find
When I laughed at all of them and then now
here am I the last in line

She's got eyes
just like a china doll
They look painted on
and yet they've seen it all

(C)1997, TK Major

Willful

[New, improved recording version links below, 2006-07-21]


He watched himself... just to see how far he'd go.

And, when it was all over, he looked back and realized he'd watched himself, wide-eyed, as he threw away every single thing he cared about and everything he used to think he stood for.

Thrown away for promises he never believed for a moment. For obvious lies, crazy, outrageous, insulting lies... lies he still looked for reasons to believe.

Thrown away for dreams so real that each waking broke his heart all over again.

Thrown away: the life he'd been building since he was a kid, his home, his job, the high school sweetheart he'd settled down with, and the love that was unexciting, yet dependable and familiar.

Still, he knew in his soul that he would do it all over again. With no more hesitation than a deep breath and a silent, "God help me."


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All Because of You

He should have E~ g#m g#m
seen it coming
but he never dreamed
he'd ever have to watch her leave
She laughed all the way to Austin
And she cried the rest of the
way to New Orleans

Baby Doll, it's all because of you g#m ~ f#m
You always sew destruction
No matter what ya say you're trying to do
Now always get
whatever it is
you want
and as long as I've known you
You always want
what you ain't got

I have known you
such a long long time
and you know I wouldn't say
it if it wasn't true
You don't have a heart I know
but I'm recently convinced there's no soul
inside of you

Yesterday's toys you
throw them all away
you dont even watch
to see their paper hearts in the flames
Like a goddess before
the gods learned how to feel
In your universe your world is the
only one that's real

bridge: c#m ~ g#m ~
(look here baby)
Baby I got the map on you
Every lie you tell
I can drill right through
Baby Doll the fall is coming soon
and when it falls
it's all gonna be on you

He shoulda E~ g#m g#m
seen it coming
but he never dreamed
he'd have to watch her leave

One more fugitive angel...

I must have prodigal angels on my mind.

Last night I saw For Heaven's Sake, one of those 40's movies (actually 1950) featuring exceedingly human angels. Like Jack Benny in The Horn Blows at Midnight, Clifton Webb's angel is a foul-up, to put it delicately.

Benny is sent to earth to sound the final trumpet blast that will signal the end of earth -- a minor planet that's been more trouble than it's worth for far too long, according to Benny's immediate heavenly superior -- but he misses the beat (the horn has to sound at midnight, exactly) because he stops to save a pretty young suicide.

Webb's assignment is far less epochal... he's sent to arrange for the conception (hinted at by references to champagne and romantic music as precursors to the crux of the mission) of a young girl who has been waiting patiently for her childless, show biz couple prospective parents to make the move. (Strikingly, for the era -- but subtly, nonetheless -- it's also hinted that the couple has been using birth control -- of some form controlled by the wife -- to wait for a convenient time to start the family. Although Bob Cummings as the Broadway producer prospective dad seems so thoroughly distracted that he barely seems to be aware of his wife as anything but the longtime leading lady of his plays...)

Anyhow, where was I?

Ah, yes, Clifton Webb's angel assumes the role of a drawling Texas millionaire who can be enticed into bankrolling the couple's next play -- but the part takes over the angel actor and he quickly devolves into a big spending bon vivant, completely bollixing heaven's plans for the little girl's birth. In the end, it's only her offer to return to heaven to salvage Webb's angelic career that gets him to resynch with his angelic dharma and light a fire under the reluctant couple.

Anyhow, there's a metaphor there, somewhere, that's talking to me right now but I'll be damned if I can explain it all, really.

The version of "Angel's Vacation" below was recorded only an hour or two before Tuesday's entirely different version.

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ANGEL'S VACATION

He tried to do what was right
but it always turned out wrong
the heavenly host was not impressed
and he had to blow out of town

he came down to earth near Phoenix
in the middle of the summertime
he walked to the first bar he saw
and ordered whiskey, beer, and wine

An angel came down from heaven
hoping to get away
he stewed in the hotel bar all night
and baked by the pool all day

He pushed the desk clerk to a breakdown
and drove the other guests away
he punched out the hotel detective
and ran off with the pretty dark eyed maid

They laid out on the lam for 40 days and nights
and on the 41st they had to rest
the pretty dark eyed maid was all worn out
and the angel was scared to death

he knew they'd have no trouble tracking him down
angels have this certain glow
and when they tell you it's time to leave,
by God, then it's time to go

An angel came down from heaven
hoping to get away
he stewed in the hotel bar all night
and baked by the pool all day

(C)1990,2005, TK Major

[related song: Goin' Home ]