Long ago (but not necessarily far away) I went out with an extremely intelligent, talented young woman who was, at the time, even more troubled than I was.
I was having difficulty "committing" to a serious relationship with her (Me?
No way... ) and she talked me into seeing a relationship counsellor with the notion that he could counsel me around my aversion.
After spending several sessions laying out the ground rules that my drinking was off-limits ("Hello, my name is TK, I'm an alcoholic and that's the last we'll have of
that. Let's move on to why I can't commit to a steady relationship, thankyavurrymuch...") we settled into a somewhat labored probing of my psyche -- or at least the public areas.
Eventually, after I'd laid out my feelings of interpersonal claustrophobia and we'd probed the wreckage of a recent, stormy two year relationship (with a side trip or two to my turbulent home life as a youth -- much of it surely due to my own mercurial mood shifts and borderline Aspergerian monomanias) he finally looked me in the eye and said:
"Well, what do
you think you should do? Compassion, guilt, sentiment aside. If you were giving hard-headed advice to a friend in your position -- if you were me -- what would you say?"
And I thought about it. Not like I didn't know the answer. I'd just never said it out loud or really even rolled it over in my head.
"Well... I guess I'd tell him to break off the relationship gently but firmly and try to heal his own wounds."
And he looked at me intently for a while until he made sure I got the point of my own words.
And then he said, "Now if you ever want to talk about that drinking..."
So, being the tower of personal stength and integrity that longtime AYoS readers know me to be... [ahem] ... I found myself saying: "Well, honey [I didn't call her honey -- I NEVER used endearments like that which is probably why I'm always drawn to using them in my songs -TK]... well, honey, the Doc gave me some advice... he suggested that we ought to break up. Y'know it tears me up..."
Yeah. I was a huge coward. But this relationship really did scare me. Pondering it was like staring into a place I knew my gaze would never pierce... a place I could never understand.
______________
There are many tips o' the tam to favorite bands in this song... Sparks, Joy Division, a number of country writers...
PS:
Yes... I know that AYoS is a week behind... maybe you'd like to come up here and lend a hand, huh? Really, I'm gonna catch up... there's plenty more droney songs about whiney losers where these
came from...download [4.2 mb] [192 kbps mp3]
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previous AYoS versionHasta la Vista m' CheriI'm sorry I have to go
but I thought you might like to know
it's not my heart
that made us part
I'm just leaving cause I have to go
Sometimes love tears us apart
sometimes it's best not to start
but sometimes you find
that love's truly blind
and usually you're just not too smart
So it's: "Hasta la vista m' cheri,"
It's just another way to say "Ciao, Baby"
Sayanora, auf weidersein
I'll see you when I see you again.
I don't know when we'll meet again
but at least we're parting as friends
Maybe I lied
of but Baby I tried
A mistake I won't be makin' again
I'm sorry I have to go
but I thought you might like to know
It's not my heart
that says we must part
It's my shrink that says you gotta go
Copyright 1986
T.K. Major
A Year of Songs
