Monthly Archives: October 2005

Circuit Breaker

Honey, there's a circuit breaker deep inside my heart.

I don’t know if we all know the feeling… but some of you surely do.

I’m not talking about the feeling of blowing it, flaming out, wigging, flipping your lid, or otherwise losing control.

No… I’m talking about that world-weary feeling you get when someone you’ve cared about, agonized over, loved, lamented, and forgiven a thousand times, someone you have lost control over in the past, someone who was once your everything, pushes too far once too often and you realize that, instead of anger, or sorrow, or rage or pity — you feel nothing.

Now, the electrically minded among us (and I know a lot of you geeks because I am one of you geeks) will be compelled to point out that a better analogy might be an old fashioned fuse since once they blow you have to put in a whole new fuse, whereas, with a circuit breaker, you just flip a switch and you’re ready to go again (but hopefully you’ve unplugged a leggy blonde or two).

But fuses go out with a flash and a loud pop… what I was really after was the precise, businesslike click-thunk-thank-ya’-ma’am-I’ll-find-my-own-way out of a circut breaker relay. No muss, no fuss, no blackened fuse box. Just a clean, emotionless shutdown.

Circuit Breaker

Honey there’s a circuit breaker
deep inside my heart
late last nite I felt the whole thing blow
I felt all my feelings stop

Isn’t it amazing, doll
how fast it all can change
the twitch of a tiny hand
and today is yesterday

The love l felt for you
was like a frozen photograph
where you watch the ghosts appear
baby, step into the past

Isn’t it amazing, doll…

Wasnt there forever
at least for a little while
wasnt there a time for us
too bad that’s out of style

Isn’t it amazing, doll
how fast it all can change
the twitch of a tiny hand
and today is yesterday

Losing Lisa

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Looks Like I'll Be Losing Lisa

Ah… the once ubiquitous present participle title. Actually, the original title of this song was Looks Like I’ll Be Losing Lisa. Then it was just plain Lisa. But the Goldilocks in me said the one was just too long and the other too short. Still, the cynical iconoclast in me is gritting his teeth and saying, geez.

Anyhow, this song is about a sap, er, a guy who just can’t throw enough bling at his enamorata to make her happy and content.

A note on a couple of cultural references in the song, which was written way back in 1996 (as part of the Barista Cycle album project mentioned in a previous entry). Specifically, the lines: ‘Got a second job just to buy nice things for Lisa / Laptop, cell phone, wetbar in her car — all for Lisa.’

Obviously laptops and cellphones are now commonplace.

So, if you’re old enough, roll your mind back to the previous century, to a naive, much simpler time… a time of long, lazy summer days, and evenings by the radio in the parlor with the family, listening to The Green Hornet and The Great Gildersleeves and sipping lemonade from the family lemon tree…

Hmm… that was 1996, wasn’t it? It’s all so hazy, now. (See yesterday’s song.)

AYoS acoustic version:

full version (Mp3, 128k)

Losing Lisa

Lately it looks like I’ll be losing Lisa
Danged if there’s a thing I can do to keep her
It scares me what I used to do to please her
‘Cause now I know there’s just no pleasing Lisa

Now I know — there’s no pleasing Lisa
Now I know — there’s no pleasing Lisa

Gave all my records and my stereo to Lisa
gave up my band and dropped out of school — all for Lisa
Tattoed her name in a secret place — it said “Property of Lisa”
What a waste of time ’cause nothing ever pleases Lisa

Now I know — there’s no pleasing Lisa
Now I know — there’s no pleasing Lisa

Got a second job just to buy nice things for Lisa
Laptop, cell phone, wetbar in her car — all for Lisa
But she’s not impressed, she’s not happy yet — that’s just Lisa
‘Cause nothing in the world will ever please that girl — that’s our Lisa

Now I know — there’s no pleasing Lisa
Now I know — there’s no pleasing Lisa

Someone Was Watching

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SomeoneWasWatching

I like to get out ahead of the curve.

I wrote this (happily fictional) first person account of facing Alzheimer’s not long after I turned 40. (I know. I know. Textbook stuff, huh?) Anyhow, a decade and change down the road the gaping maw of nescience doesn’t look any more appealing.

Yet, only a few years ago, I became reaquainted with an elderly man who had lived down the street from me as a toddler. He was in what turned out to be the final phase of his life. He’d been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few years before and as he explained, while he could easily remember the 50’s when we lived on the same block, he also realized he wouldn’t remember tomorrow — or even in a few hours — that he’d talked to me today. Still, rather than bitter, angry and afraid, as I would be afraid of being, he was sunny and cheerful.

Sadly, the end of my own grandfather’s life was nowhere near as sunny. A man who had always prided himself on his intellect and his self-control was robbed, over time, of both. And the toll on my proud, strong grandmother was, in some ways, worse…

[New version coming soon]
Someone Was Watching

someone was watching
I dont care what they saw
this terrible truth is a
secret all over the block

someone has fallen
someone can not get up
someone forgets what
someone was thinking of

now I don’t know what’s become of me
now I don’t know what’s become of me

toys sparkle in the sunshine
sixty-five years ago
I reach out and touch them
but it’s not like I dont know

whatever was just happening
its all just like a dream
but this time I cant wake up
this time — I can’t even scream

now I don’t know what’s become of me
now I don’t know what’s become of me

Don’t Let Dee Dee Dog You ‘Round

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Don't Let Dee Dee Dog You 'Round

I figured that things were getting far too serious, what with all this talk about betrayal, dissolution, and futility. So I thought, what better to lighten the tone a little, than a loving broadside directed at a small-town trollop… (Part of my 1996 girl-name album project, The Barista Cycle.)

Don’t Let Dee Dee Dog You ‘Round

Don’t let Dee Dee dog you ’round
If you knew her old tricks you’d haul yer bones outta town
Let me share the wisdom that the pack has found
don’t let Dee Dee — dog you ’round

You’re new round here
so let me clue you in
there’s a firestorm of trouble
you’re about to jump in
her name is Deborah Dale
won’t wanna hear that again
‘Cause Dee Dee means danger — and damnable sin

We all ’round here we’ve seen it before
we pretty much know what you’ve got in store
she’ll rip out your heart and tear up your soul
there ain’t a man here in town that she can’t control
–all the same, we all love Deborah Dale

In the trailer parks
and the liquor stores
in the strip mall lounges
‘midst the strip mall mores
one light shines above all the rest
its the same flame that draws
the moths to their deaths

Don’t let Dee Dee…

A fool and his money are soon famous round here
and the vampires have radar for a fool full of beer
most suck out your money then they leave you alone
but Dee Dee don’t stop til she’s drained out your soul

Don’t let Dee Dee dog you ’round
If you knew her old tricks you’d haul yer bones outta town
Let me share the wisdom that the pack has found
don’t let Dee Dee — dog you ’round.