Category Archives: commentary

Thelma Lou

Maybe they weren’t Orpheus and Eurydice or Romeo and Juliet… but, for me, one of the great tragic love affairs has always been Barney and Thelma Lou.

When I was a kid, I could never figure out how the ultimate goofball, Barney Fife, could snag a warm, cuddly, pretty gal like Thelma Lou — particularly when his boss and pal, the tall, good-looking sheriff, Andy Taylor, ended up with the slightly stuffy and decidedly less creamy schoolmarm, Helen Crump.

Barney, of course, wanted to be “somebody” before he finally popped the question to Thelma Lou and headed out to the state capital, Raleigh, to make a name for himself, becoming an investigator, if I recall correctly, for the AG or the state police.

When the 20th high school reunion came around, Barney came back to Mayberry, ready to finally propose to the love of his life, Thelma Lou, also back in town for the reunion.

His eyes met hers from across the room and time froze for a second — at least for me, watching at home — for a few moments it seemed like happily ever after would come to Barney Fife. But, alas… it turned out Thelma Lou’s handsome, lawyer fiance was just out parking the car. Smiling broadly and putting his arm protectively around Thelma Lou, he greeted Barney with a confidence that made it clear Barney stood no chance at all.

As the Fates decreed.

Thelma Lou

The day that you came back to town
he thought he’d be seein’ you around
he thought he could pick it up
where he put it down

but he thought he’d treat you right this time
just like he dreamed about each night
just like he prayed he’d have the
brains to do this time

Now he’ll never know
why he ever let go of you
Thelma Lou
he dreamed he’d make it right
but none of those dreams
ever did come true
and now he just dreams of you
it will always be Thelma Lou
nothing anyone can do
it will always be dreams of you
Thelma Lou

Now he was just a nothing way back then
but he couldn’t believe how you could pretend
not to care about all the things you couldn’t have
if you stayed with him

So he pushed himself hard just to get ahead
and he woke up one day in an empty bed
and he looked in the mirror and
he realized the years — and you — had fled

Now, he’ll never know why he ever let go…

Well he always thought he’d get one last chance
but all he got was one last dance
as your fiance watched
from across the crowded room

But he held you so close like he didn’t care
it was like no one else in the world was there
and still it was too late
for him to say “I love you”

19 June 2005
(C)2005 TK Major

Enslaved by an Angel

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Enslaved by an Angel

This is probably one of, if not the, shortest songs that will be featured in AYoS. A simple quatrain, it has defied all my attempts to draw it out or elaborate on its wispy hint of a premise.

It grew, perhaps amusingly, out of a single phrase in my notebook, “torched by an angel.” (At the time, my beloved Law & Order reruns were being interrupted by frequent promos for the syndicated reruns of the old show, Touched by an Angel.) Late one night when I was working on another song, I stumbled on a simple little fingerpick thing and came up with the lyrics below on the spur of the moment.

By the way, I fell in love with this painting (above) by Adolphe-William Bouguereau (1825-1905), which I have since learned is titled “Cupidon.” I was sorting through various Renaissance and post-Ren paintings looking for the perfect angel… I was thinking something more “Biblical” — but I stopped dead when I saw this. (And, yes, I know “Cupidon” is French for “Cupid.” And Cupid was not an angel or even, well… in my target sex. But, damn, it’s a cool painting. In my mind, it’s a girl angel. A 19 year old girl angel. Make of that what you will.)

Enslaved by an Angel

Enslaved by an angel
I never knew a thing
I strode across continents
now I cower beneath her wing

Dimmer

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Dimmer

This gruel is about as thin as it gets.

Inspired, for a moment, by the superfluity of meaningful lyrics to a good blues song, I threw these sketchy lines across some appropriately minor blues changes and, for a while, it made its way into my live sets on an at least occasional basis.

Sharp-eyed fans of 60’s lit may notice a few references to poet-novelist-folkie Richard Fariña’s nearly forgotten novel, Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up to Me, which attained near scriptural significance for me as a young man.

Perhaps because it was very much a young man’s book, perhaps it was because Fariña had died, still a young man himself, only a year or two before I discovered him… at any rate, I read and reread it and then went on to read his pal Thomas Pynchon’s V and Crying of Lot 49, looking for some sort of clue about where to go from there. (If you’ve read V, you probably know how scary that notion is… And, no, it wasn’t the source book for the 70s sci-fi TV show.)

Dimmer

Wake up baby, turn your
dimmer lights down low
When it gets yellow like this it hurts my
eyes — but it eases my soul

Come here baby pay those
monkeys in the shadows no mind
Those monkeys are my demons — they been
waitin’ for me such a long time

I been down — but it
never looked like up to me
I been down but I guess
down isn’t what it used to be

All I Need Is the Sun

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All I Need Is the Sun

A thanksgiving song.

I’m at that point in my life when I’m mostly beyond being afraid for myself, but like anyone, I have my moments of darkness and doubt.

When things are darkest… I count my blessings.

It’s a tactic that not only dovetails nicely with my innate perversity, but which has served me well over the years. As I mentioned in a previous post, 25 years ago (last month) I was hit by an inattentive driver while riding my motorcycle and ended up in the hospital for 2 months (most of that in traction) with an “exploded” hip, a smashed femur, and a shattered ankle.

They pieced me back together (my ex-rays look like I was attacked by the contents of a hardware store), but there were some tough times along the way, I was on crutches for 6 months and a cane for 5 years. (Turned out I was walking on a leg that was still broken. Long story that reinforces the importance of second opinions, which I discovered late.)

Anyhow, the thing is, when things got tough, as they occasionally did, I counted my blessings. (I used to feel bitter that I didn’t have any shoes until I saw a man who didn’t have any feet. You know?)

I also drank… I’d say ‘but that’s another story’ — but it’s actually this story, or more properly the story of this song.

At any rate, here’s a guy who, I’m thinking, is living in that tiny postage-stamp sized bit of grace afforded those with little left to lose…

These lyrics were originally written as a sort of rap to go with music from Brit techno whizkid Deakin Scott but, while Deakin and I collaborated more or less successfully on an earlier track (the lyrics for which are my “Mountains Come, Mountains Go”) the track these were written for never came together and I finally sat down with my acoustic guitar a few months later and came up, more or less, with these chords.

I say ‘more or less’ because I actually had all but forgotten this song and before yesterday and had quite likely not played it twice since 1999. A shame, since I really like it. It’s not the first song I’ve written or track I’ve recorded in a ‘creative phase’ that’s gone forgotten for a long period after the arc of sometimes fevered productivity has passed.

All I Need Is the Sun

looking for my place in the sun
ah but everything is already gone
a bottle in a bag and a bun
now all I need is the sun

caviar and champagne are fun
limos and callgirls the run
but those cocaine days are done
now all I need is the sun

kingdoms and palaces galore
yachts and planes for sure
diamonds and oilfields and mines
yet I traded them all for this wine

caviar and champagne are fun…

I’ve spent a thousand times what you’ll ever own
I had twenty people answerin’ my phone
You– you’d never get through… yet now
here I am drinkin’ with you

caviar and champagne are fun
limos and callgirls the run
but those cocaine days are done
now all I need is the sun

1999-11-01
(C)1999, TK Major