27 | November | 2005 | A Year of Songs

Thelma Lou

Maybe they weren’t Orpheus and Eurydice or Romeo and Juliet… but, for me, one of the great tragic love affairs has always been Barney and Thelma Lou.

When I was a kid, I could never figure out how the ultimate goofball, Barney Fife, could snag a warm, cuddly, pretty gal like Thelma Lou — particularly when his boss and pal, the tall, good-looking sheriff, Andy Taylor, ended up with the slightly stuffy and decidedly less creamy schoolmarm, Helen Crump.

Barney, of course, wanted to be “somebody” before he finally popped the question to Thelma Lou and headed out to the state capital, Raleigh, to make a name for himself, becoming an investigator, if I recall correctly, for the AG or the state police.

When the 20th high school reunion came around, Barney came back to Mayberry, ready to finally propose to the love of his life, Thelma Lou, also back in town for the reunion.

His eyes met hers from across the room and time froze for a second — at least for me, watching at home — for a few moments it seemed like happily ever after would come to Barney Fife. But, alas… it turned out Thelma Lou’s handsome, lawyer fiance was just out parking the car. Smiling broadly and putting his arm protectively around Thelma Lou, he greeted Barney with a confidence that made it clear Barney stood no chance at all.

As the Fates decreed.

Thelma Lou

The day that you came back to town
he thought he’d be seein’ you around
he thought he could pick it up
where he put it down

but he thought he’d treat you right this time
just like he dreamed about each night
just like he prayed he’d have the
brains to do this time

Now he’ll never know
why he ever let go of you
Thelma Lou
he dreamed he’d make it right
but none of those dreams
ever did come true
and now he just dreams of you
it will always be Thelma Lou
nothing anyone can do
it will always be dreams of you
Thelma Lou

Now he was just a nothing way back then
but he couldn’t believe how you could pretend
not to care about all the things you couldn’t have
if you stayed with him

So he pushed himself hard just to get ahead
and he woke up one day in an empty bed
and he looked in the mirror and
he realized the years — and you — had fled

Now, he’ll never know why he ever let go…

Well he always thought he’d get one last chance
but all he got was one last dance
as your fiance watched
from across the crowded room

But he held you so close like he didn’t care
it was like no one else in the world was there
and still it was too late
for him to say “I love you”