Category Archives: commentary

I’m a Rambler, I’m a Gambler

Shambles of a Man

 

 

Let’s call him Bob.

I got to know him when I was in my early 20s. It was the tail end of the hippie era. I used to take my guitar down to Recreation Park, a sprawling urban park next to a municipal golf course that butted up against a little salt water lagoon.
continues below…


[As these things go, I think this version of Rambler turned out really pretty well. If you can stomach my stuff at all, you may want to take a listen.]

All the hippies and bikers would get together in snowballing circles of people sitting, crosslegged on the lawns, under towering trees planted back in the days that Long Beach was called Iowa by the Sea. Multiple circles would build like city states. And usually in the center of it all were the musicians. Not me, mind you. I’d been playing a couple years and I was… not a fast learner. So I often passed off my guitar to other guitar players I knew.

Often that was to my friend Tony, a young black guy with spidery fingers and an unfailingly rocking approach to guitar (later murdered in a tragic case of mistaken identity). I never minded loaning my guitar to Tony, since he was always gentle with it and checked often to see if I wanted it back — a rare trait among people who borrow guitars at parties and beaches and parks, I assure you.

While Tony tossed it up with the other fretgrinders in the center of things, I would often sit, drinking wine, looking for girls, talking to friends.

One of them was Bob, who was always around, even when I’d come early on a day off, typically hung over, wanting to simply sit by the concrete flycasting pond and play a little guitar in the morning sun.

Bob would be there. And, typically, as darkness enveloped the park and drunk hippies stumbled through a green forest of empty Red Mountain bottles, Bob would often be there, his eyes barely more than slits and as beatific grin wide across his face.

Eventually, I figured out that Bob lived in the park. He had a small, extremely well hidden home he’d made in a particularly heavily wooded area. The employees who knew about him looked the other way. He was a friendly guy with a sunny disposition. He was in his early 30’s with long, wavy hair that hung mid-back. He was a vet. If I remember, he served in Vietnam in a support role.

Seems to me I remember a failed marriage in his bio. He let go a bit after that. Stopped bothering with things like jobs and houses.

But he was a smart, funny guy. He had, he said, a lot of time to read. And he read all the time.

Over time the scene at Rec Park took a dark turn. As crowds got bigger, the hippies seemed to be getting pushed out of the ecosystem and a hard-drinking, pill-popping crowd seemed to be taking over. Fights were increasingly common and a new intruder threatened the musical ecosystem of the park:

The giant cassette portable, the boombox, the ghetto blaster — blaring funky 70s soul sides or the heavy-bottom, tweedle-centric metal of the era — and the sad phenomenon of blaster wars.

It just wasn’t the same old Rec Park any more.

A new, exotic, and high maintenance girl friend seemed to cut into my park time. I’d moved to the nearby beach and, by then, playing guitar by myself on the beach or on the sundeck of my apartment house with buddies like my pal Rick beat fighting the crowds and noise at the once-sylvan park.

But one day when I was scooping up some cheap breakfast at Egg Heaven, a little corner breakfast joint not far from the lagoon, I ran into Bob. I hadn’t seen him in months.

He looked great.

He, too, had been driven away from the park. He said the crowds ruined living in the park for him. He ended up staying at his mother’s for a while, took a job at the local college at a maintenace worker, got interested in ceramics, earned enough to get a little apartment by the lagoon, and was taking ceramics classes and writing poetry and prose.

I ended up visiting with him a number of times over maybe a year and a half while he lived there. He kept working, taking classes. He ended up buying a van, that 70s symbol of independence and self-containment.

The last time I saw him at Egg Heaven he said it was all falling into place. He was in the process of taking most of the things he’d accumulated at his apartment — and his writing and his ceramics — to his mother’s garage. He was giving notice at work.

He showed me the van. He’d begun to carefully outfit it for what was clearly intended to be an extended road trip. It reminded me of the kind of camping van retired engineers on tight pensions put together, an ingenious and methodical reinvention of everyday items and found objects.

After I’d admired his work, I said, “Well… where ya goin’, Bob?”

And he looked around the inside of the van and out the door and up the street to the east and said, Well, I though I’d start out by leaving — and then just go from there…”

previous AYoS version

RAMBLER

Left my home and my woman
about four years ago
mostly don’t know when to quit
but then I packed up my losses
and stumbled out on the road

Well I’m a rambler, I’m a gambler
I’m just a shambles of a man
I’m stumbling; my lifes crumblin
I’m just another loser on the lam

If the stakes are low then the time is right
I’m a fool for a penny-ante game
May be gambling with my life
but it’s just small change all the same

Well I’m a rambler, I’m a gambler…

I’ve been beaten, I’ve been cheated
I’ve been shot at from Arkansas to Vietnam
I been shafted, I been laughed at
I been out-casted but I still don give a damn

Well I’m a rambler, I’m a gambler
I’m just a shambles of a man
I’m stumbling; my lifes crumblin
I’m just another loser on the lam

(C) 1973 TK Major

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Have you embraced the beast? I see the mark is on your face…

Have U embraced the beast?

When I posted the previous version of this song in early December, I was careful to paint a picture of the troubled time in which it was written. I was concerned that the stridently polemical, confrontational lyrics might be taken out of the context of a time of US taxpayer funded death squads in Central America and the US funded war by Saddam Hussein’s Iraq against Iran, with its chemical gas attacks and overt and covert US aid to Saddam.

But then I thought — well, damn.

So, without further excuses or equivocation here’s a little slice of unapologetically self-righteous, blind fury.

Enjoy.

previous AYoS version

HAVE U EMBRACED THE BEAST?

Have you embraced the beast?
I see the mark is on your face
Have you embraced the beast?
Are you a slave of greed and hate?

Have you embraced the beast?
Do you serve the war machine?
Have you embraced the beast?
Did you trade in your soul on (for) the finer thinsg?

Have you embraced the beast?
Do your taxes buy bullets for fascist death squads?
Have you embraced the beast?
They’ll be coming to your hometown before too long . . .

Have you embraced the beast?
I see the mark is on your face
Have you embraced the beast?
Are you a slave of greed and hate?

Have you embraced the beast?

Copyright 1984
T.K. Major

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I didn’t know I could still be scared (Valentine’s Day)

XXXXX

A clumsy, rushed, homemade card and a bouquet of flowers plucked between my car and the current GF’s door and presented with the aw shucks charm of a little boy cozying up to someone he thought might give him a toy later if maybe he was charming enough.

That’s why I live alone with my cat. Yep.

And, you know, I’m so far down that road that I’m okay with that. Mostly.

But every now and then I feel something stir — and it scares me.

It’s not loneliness. I’m absurdly content. Self-contained. Hermetic.

But sometimes, when someone catches me a little off guard, sometimes, I feel myself on that slippery slope that leads to the abyss…


Happy Valentine’s Day, suckers!

[For additional insight into my Valentine’s Day sensibilities, flip back a few days to Forget About the Moon.]

previous AYoS version

Scared

dont know what to do about you
I did’nt know that I could still be scared
empty dreams night after night
afraid that you’ll never be there

I could give myself to love
but love would only break my heart
i could give my world to you
but you would tear that little world apart

one day I looked at myself
and then I began again
I built it up and I tore it down
and I won’t do that again

I could give myself to love…

everytime I hear I’m doing all right
I know that I’m living a lie
everytime that I feel myself start to slip
I hold my hand to the fire

I could give myself to love
but love would only break my heart
i could give my world to you
but you would tear that little world apart

(C)1994, TK Major

Blog within a blog: It strikes us as surprisingly odd (we’re so stunned we’re back using the editorial “we”) but we just realized that three of the four songs featured on the [then-current] front page of www.Ourmedia.org (which is was our portal for posting our audio material to www.archive.org) are, well, we’re almost too modest to say… but, OK, you dragged it out of us: they’re TK Major songs. From A Year of Songs. We’re amazed and pleased and we hope it doesn’t get the Editor of the Week (who we don’t know, we swear) fired before his week is up.

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Chain of Mondays

Chain of Mondays
 

 

A few months after your nineteenth birthday, you’ll pass a different milestone. You will have seen — and survived — a thousand Mondays.

And, if you’re lucky, by most measures, the Mondays will just keep coming at you. Like clockwork. Um… Anyway.

Some folks love Mondays.

They can’t wait to get back to work and see what their friends did over the weekend, catch up on gossip, talk about TV, maybe even get in a couple of licks of work.

For me, Mondays have always been rugged. I could work up a sort of grim, stoic enthusiasm for biz world battle on the way in, behind the wheel in traffic, but that was about the best of it. From there it was all the clash of sword on shield, the cries of the wounded, and the roar of the crowd.

Not even on vacations. Not even when Monday was my day off. I just moped around thinking what a waste it was to have Monday as your day off instead of a cool day like like Friday. Even Thursday. Tuesday. You could walk around singing Tuesday Afternoon and go on long walks or to museums. You can’t even go to museums on Mondays.

Anyhow.

It’s a gorgeous, summery Monday as I write this and I’m in a really good mood because I just wrote today’s song a few hours ago. (Consider the music/melody, especially, as a rough draft.) While I used to write a lot (I have versions of about 125 different songs posted in A Year of Songs so far), in recent years my songwriting had fallen to just a few songs a year.

So writing two songs, no matter how modest, in one week is pretty much grounds for frenzied celebration around here (Lemonade and soda anyone, Wild Cherry Pepsi?).

That said, as my own boss, I’m actually stealing time from myself writing this when I should be working. It is Monday, after all.

So, dude, I gotta go before I get busted. Later.

a thousand mondays
that’s just 19 years
put your head down
put yourself in gear

before you know it
the day is done
fall asleep
and there’s another one

chain of mondays
wrapped round my life
chain of mondays
until the day I die

I’m good at what I do
but what I do is dumb
pushing things around
all day long

what’s it all for
don’t ask me
i’m just a well-worn gear
in the big machine

chain of mondays…

don’t take off my shackles
i don’t want to be free
cause theres nowhere to go
and no one to be

been at the grindstone
for so damn long
there’s nothing much left
except this song:

chain of mondays…

(C)2006, TK Major

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